Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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