I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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