I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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