I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
