could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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