oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
