OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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