If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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