Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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