Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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