I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
