I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
