I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
