he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
