And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
