Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
