grandma shit on top of the toilet
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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