i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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