he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is Oprah even human
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
