"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
