Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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