I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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