Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Soap is not a condiment
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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