i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
