I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
