Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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