Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
