she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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