Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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