my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
