at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
