Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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