Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
