if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.