Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"

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  (847): I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it" http://tfl.nu/8m3i
  Replies (34) Good night (1113) Bad night (3606)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...

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  (206): On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on... http://tfl.nu/5u5y
  Replies (19) Good night (4307) Bad night (673)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am

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  (610): i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am http://tfl.nu/0mrv
  Replies (6) Good night (4943) Bad night (883)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches

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  (732): I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches http://tfl.nu/f64u
  Replies (19) Good night (4006) Bad night (1150)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

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  (+64): And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/yu5v
  Replies (23) Good night (5703) Bad night (1482)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I supposed to find that romantic?

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  (412): I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts (1-412): Am I supposed to find that romantic? http://tfl.nu/carb
  Replies (19) Good night (6844) Bad night (2529)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?

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  (503): He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads? http://tfl.nu/30tf
  Replies (7) Good night (2791) Bad night (685)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?

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  (618): So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date? http://tfl.nu/zipl
  Replies (3) Good night (1814) Bad night (1155)
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  (628): View more from California

  That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.

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  (628): That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM. http://tfl.nu/93q7
  Replies (56) Good night (7052) Bad night (918)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day

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  (914): I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day http://tfl.nu/8r1c
  Replies (7) Good night (2600) Bad night (1384)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.

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  (330): okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important. http://tfl.nu/wfir
  Replies (6) Good night (1382) Bad night (1172)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?

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  (304): She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life? http://tfl.nu/58z3
  Replies (12) Good night (2233) Bad night (516)
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  (626): View more from California

  It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."

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  (626): It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed." http://tfl.nu/13ua
  Replies (4) Good night (761) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients

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  (248): They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients http://tfl.nu/50sw
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (324)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause

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  (781): I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause http://tfl.nu/iz9t
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (259)

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