Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.