i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
