The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.