The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
