I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
