we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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