Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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