I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
