He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
