some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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