We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The Olympian is in my bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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