tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
