when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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