I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
