Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
