My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
