God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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