Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
