we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
