Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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