i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
