Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize