i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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