her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
