My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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