woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
