The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
