I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
