It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
