My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
