A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
