I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
