There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
