If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
