Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
