I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
