Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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