He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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