The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I need a burrito and a hug.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
