yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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