you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Less talking, more tequila
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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