i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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