that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
