I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
