By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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