yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
