How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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