dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
