he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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