I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
