Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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