just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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