would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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